The waves lapped calmly against the white sand, and the breeze kissed my cheek and swirled my long white cloak.

I saw a dark shape approaching in the waves offshore.  A large turtle!  As it swam in on the swell, I could see the shimmer of his shell, green and glossy in the wet.  He came ashore and calmly approached me as I stood on the border of wet and dry sands.  The look in his eye wordlessly asked me to come with him.

After a pause to look again at the bright moon, I acquiesced and moved with him back to the water’s edge.

It was clear to me that the great turtle wanted me to climb onto his back and come with him into the water.  Under normal circumstances – I might have felt trepidation at this idea, but in the dreamworld of the night darkened beach – it all seemed to make perfect sense.

The shell scales which glistened so wetly in the white moonlight were made of malachite!  I climbed onto the wet, warm turtle shell and he carefully re-entered the waves as I knelt upon his great back.

*****

encountering the great swell

riding the wave across the boundless ocean

feeling the pull of the moon

seeing the ridge of the wave – feeling the spinning hoop of the tide

losing all sight of land – feeling as if the entire planet was a water drop moving through space

feeling the dance of the moon with the planet – the eternal spinning of partnership

feeling the circle we make around the sun

feeling the warp and weft of the solar system, and how it itself is spinning around some great center

feeling the pull of the galactic center on the sun and the spins within spins

feeling the starlight upon my face – suns of great size and fire in their own rights – made gentle by time and distance

looking down and seeing all the turtles – they get bigger and bigger as what they are carrying increases as well

feeling the very galaxy moving through space

feeling the dance of the circles and of the way the spinning coordinates smaller within greater

coming back into myself and feeling the connection between me and my turtle

feeling the stillness inside of myself amidst all the spinning

feeling the light of the moon pulling at the lightness inside of me

feeling the dark of the ocean and the undulation of the wave in the water

feeling the dark, cool of the planet pulling at the darkness inside of me

feeling the dance of the light and the dark in my breath cycle

feeling the suspension of time in the space of the boundless ocean

standing up upon the back of my turtle and reaching for the moon

spinning around and around, swirling my cloak upon the breeze that is blowing us forward

one hand raised still to the moon, the other reaching down for the dark water below

feeling that all that exists is me, my turtle, and this wave – both still and moving so fast!

being at peace in this limerance

*****

although the feeling is one of great stillness, suddenly I see a light ahead of me in the ocean.  land, lit by the sun.  perhaps another beach?  is it the one we have left behind?  or is it a new place all together?  I cannot tell.

we approach at great speed.  the ocean lightens as the seafloor rushes up to meet us at the edge of this new place.  the swell begins to break.  still standing, the turtle catches the top ridge of the swell, then with his feet – pushes us forward dropping onto the opening face of the breaking wave.  we surf together – feeling the amazing power of the water beneath us.  riding the great swell that has brought us across time and space, across the boundless ocean to a new land.

the beach approaches and the wave curl disperses.  we come upon the sand gently, and the great turtle takes me onto the land.  a brief pause, then I step down from the turtles back and turn back to look at him.

with a timeless knowing and great intelligence in his eye, he looks back at me.  I bow with reverence – thanking him for the journey he has carried me on.  my heart is full.  he inclines his head in return and I know he has followed whatever purpose he follows by bringing me here to this new place.  i feel a thanks and a release of all the places i have left behind me on my old shore.

the moon still shines overhead, but is now closer to the horizon of the new land.  the stars sparkle down on me – newly close friends of mine, their light clean and silver and bright.  the breeze still blows, but is turning and bringing to my nose the scents of this new place – wherever it may be.  i feel time begin once again.

i have crossed over.  i begin again.

honeycomb connections

the fat-free designs of mother nature

engines powered by the

swift, smooth, powerful current at the center of the river

lovegrove – you got it baby…

bring it on!

round & round

we all fall down

& hit the ground

but pick back up

& with great pluck

begin the spinning

to the drum sound

to the drum beat

i move my feet

i feel the sweet

the heat, the beat

i move my feet

& empty my mind

i find inside

the smile of sunshine

the feeling of fine

the comfort of

my lovers arms wrapped round mine

the spin of the spiral

the hoop has gone viral!

i’m happy to be

the person known as me

& even when times

put my soul to the grind

it’s all just fine

cause time passes by

& form changes shape

but divinity still shines

yes

it’s hooping time!

lighting throbbed & wealed

the heavy rain was gushing out of the sky

i awoke to sounds of primal elements raving

in this night that just passed by

i thought of you

& the side of your bed

where i lay when we stay together

and of the tender kiss

you place on the place

where my neck & shoulder come together

the veils were thin during the storm last night

violent cracks of lightning tore through my sight

& in the gaps ‘tween the spaces

across time, across places

i woke and i dreamed of you

perhaps i should just allow myself to flow – tell everyone who’s waiting on stuff from me that it will be postponed til tuesday morning – and just relax and focus on the task at hand.  i feel like i’m slacking – but it’s doing no one any good for me to keep screwing around on my computer, pretending to get work done – while the time approaches for me to head on out of here.  i don’t like feeling irresponsible – and yet, here i am blogging about it instead of just doing it.  hmmm….

i keep thinking about geometrical forms, wave patterns, dark matter and energy – escapist fantasy right now, although pretty pleasant stuff if i may say so myself.  the problem with not buying into ‘the system’ as it is – is that it’s easy to fall off into speculation of what a better system might be.  and then the tangents flow into one another, in a meandering yet insistent path, like the roots of a tree seeking water in the earth.

and i had such a good time yesterday – that even when i clamber out of my mental graphs for a bit, i just wander over to wonderings about the energy flowing all around me.  how do i allow for my best experience when i can’t seem to be even able to focus on where it is i’m going?  it’s moments like this that i just want to pop out of my current existence into a little bubble of separate space where i have plenty of time to futz around in my head, without endangering the somewhat fragile-feeling infrastructure of what most people think of as ‘the real world.’

pshaw – what is real, anyway?

maybe reality can be the place where I can allow my gut and my heart and my head can to all get into alignment with one another – and move together, productively.  where i’m not swayed by the delta between all i want and what i am currently experiencing – but rather appreciating the contrast and co-creating the future i’m desiring, without compromising my now.

on the positive side – it seems that i am attracting the kinds of experiences and people and movements that feel more and more like home to me.  i keep getting incrementally a little closer with every week and day and moment that passes by.  this is a good feeling, although it’s kind of awkward to keep thinking i’m ‘there’ and then having to keep shifting bit by bit to a slightly different paradigm.  not impossible, just a little graceless at times.

ok – time to get moving.  i feel better for having braindumped my frustration a bit.  it’s a beautiful day and i’m going to go enjoy it.  the rest will come naturally – goddess willing.

1. Source is within, not without.

2. Want what you have, instead of have what you want…  including your own existence.  All that it takes to be happy is the fact that you are.  Be satisfied with the fact that you are.  Be happy with what you have.

3. Happiness is an inner decision.

4. Give up ‘poor me’.

5. Choose instead of crave, want, desire, or get.   “Dear God I seem to be the victim of this insatiable craving… please help me”… willingness to surrender to God.

6. Surrender all cravings to God.  Love of God becomes all you want… pray…  1.  Could you? 2. Would you?

7. Joie de vivre is independent of events.  It is an attitude and a superior “style” of life.  In human life, there is no winning or losing.  Celebrate your own existence.  Joy of life, helping others.

8. Is it the child, adult, or parent (in you) that wants?  Happiness = bubbling over and active child, integrated adult, and totally loving and accepting parent.   The child wants to moon people on the way here and the adult says, “let’s not do it today.”  Own your child all the time; child free to express itself.  Story:  when I was 12, my mom made me wear rubbers to school when it rained.  This embarrassed me.  I hid the rubbers in the shrubs on way to school and then put them on again on the way home.  Happiness is hiding your rubbers in a shrub!  Another story:  went to internist, came home and the parent came up in Susan, “You didn’t wear that undershirt with the hole in it, did you?!

9. Differentiate actual from symbolic win or gain.

10. Differentiate narcissistic (“rich and famous”) from mature goals.

11. Be pleased with the direction and alignment instead of just completion.  Be pleased with where you are, rather than “I’ll be happy when I reach the goal.”

12. Practical reality vs. fantasy and glamour of “success.”

13. Choose decision instead of just hope.

Write down your goals for this life.  One goal :  “be happy no matter what happens.  Be pleased with the direction of life– be uplifting to others or enlightenment—not how far along you are on the path because it’s anybody’s guess.  Where you are is the result of your own decision, so you can ‘t blame anyone.  No matter which way you go, there are risks involved.  Life is a sequence of roles.

14.  Be flexible vs. rigid.  The reed bends with the current.

15.  Cancel:  ‘and then I’ll be happy…’

16.  Let go of clutching and grasping.

17.  Clarify goals and ideals.

18.  Realize all value is arbitrary.

19.  Happiness is a nap on a train or plane.

God’s will for you is happiness.  To be happy is pleasing to God.  (Test: True).   Being happy is fulfilling your human potential.

20.  Live one day at a time.  If you don’t have a problem, get one so that you can join a 12 step group.  They are happier than other people.

21.  Happiness is a cat’s purr or a dog’s wagging tail.

22.  Faith vs. skepticism (narcissism)—the skeptic has faith in his skepticism.

23.  Gratitude for what one has and is.

24.  Detached vs. craving—pick something you think you need for happiness and get detached from it.

25.  Glass half full or half empty…

26.  Spiritual vs. material goals.  Searching for truth in all of its expressions is one of the most advanced states of consciousness.  98 % of the world is not interested in truth.  The number of people interested in Enlightenment is less than 1 in 10 million.  “My goal in this life time is enlightenment” is true for 1 in 10 million.  Test:  True.  The first great karma is to hear of enlightenment.  The second or next great karma is to pursue it.  The third and greatest is to pursue it and achieve it.   Test:  “Everybody in this audience has good karma.”  TRUE.  Enlightenment is a releasing of attachment and aversion, first in the senses…  It’s half full because it’s half empty.   Spiritual goals cannot be lost.  They endure for all time.

27.  Surrender to God’s will.  Spiritual wisdom evolves.  For some people, shooting the enemy is God’s will.  For others, God’s will is not shooting.

28.  Capacity to let go.  This capacity is Infinite.  It’s not that you can’t let go, but that you won’t.

29.  Be pleased with progress.

30.  Avoid self-judgment.  This is the internalized parent.  Freud’s super-ego.  Inner judge.   Have your inner kid alive and well, and sometimes you have to sit on your inner kid.  My sister and I would go on street car and mom told us to stay in our seats.  I was ‘good’ and she was ‘bad’ because she would be running up and down the aisle.  For me happiness was being “good,” for her happiness was being “bad.”

31.  “Good” vs. “Bad” are circumstantial.

32.  “Win” is provisional.

33. Simplicity vs. complexity.

34. Realistic expectations of life, others, events.  In politics, don’t judge the world by your values, don’t expect a lot!

35.  Value is in the eye of the beholder.

36. Give up your skepticism.

37.  Sense of humor.

38.  Accept karmic propensity.. not causality but likelihoods…

39.  See essence rather than perception.

40.  Jocular instead of morose.

41.  Good will regarding all of life.

42.  Easy-going vs. rigid.

43.  Reduce expectations.

44.  Generous instead of stingy..   Nurturance to all of life, in woods, trees…  TEST:  “The trees in the woods know that I am glad and love them” TRUE.  They are literally aware of your loving-ness of them.  It is not what you have, do, or say, but what you have become.  What can I do to affect the world?  Stay out of the way!  If you step around the bug instead of stomping it, that does more for world peace than marching in a parade!

45.  Modify inner voice.

46.  Be gracious to self and others.

47.  Surrender the need to control.  Because of the good, you’ve earned the privilege of working through bad karma.  TEST:  “When you need good karma, it’s there for you.”  TRUE.  Story:  truck broke down on cloverleaf in middle of strange place, stranger came by to remove the tire, took it to be fixed, brought it back and put it back on…  “That was my good karma savings account.”  TRUE.  “There are angels in bodies.”  TRUE.

48.  Let go of desire for applause.

Good will is noticed by all of life…

Generosity is an attitude, not money.  Talk to your inner thoughts so that the inner thoughts express your spiritual commitments and alignment.

Be gracious to yourself.  “Thank you, Oh Lord, for my existence.”

First thing my psychoanalyst said:

1.  you need to have a thicker skin.

2.  be forgiving to yourself.  Too rigid superego.  Look at your intention, not the act.

Not necessary to control things in life because the good karma will take care of it.  Just hold it in mind and it tends to manifest.

49.  Be glad instead of mad.

50.  Acceptance instead of resistance.

51.  Generous instead of stingy.

52.  Candid with self and others.  Be honest—“I like ‘em diced instead of sliced!”

53.  Silence the mind.

54.  Give up thinkingness…  stop calling it ‘my’ mind…  Everybody’s gotta speak their mind on TV, and they think that’s a step forward!  Anybody can babble!  I don’t care what the man on the street thinks…  he learned it on TV yesterday… narcissistic egotism… why should the world give a rap about what you think?  I don’t give a rap about I think!  Knowingness comes about nonlinear.  It is certainty.  Comes about without thinking about it.  Thinkingness is an energy field which can be transcended.

55.  Forgiving vs. vindictive.  Forgive—you don’t have to get even because karma is inevitable.

56.  Work on inner traits instead of external ones.

57.  It only takes a bone to make a dog happy… it’s the small things of life!  All it takes is a sip of soda…. of espresso….

58.  Sing, “Don’t worry, be happy!” in mind.

59.  Choose spiritual values and goals.  You feel inner gladness about the goodness of life.  What’s the purpose of the world?  It’s here for YOU.  This is not egocentric.  Out of Divine intention, that which is here, is here for you.  The essence of all that arises is Divinity expressing itself as a stage, as a wonderful wife, as these flowers, as the Kleenex, as the diet soda, espresso…

60.  Choose spiritual friends and groups.  “The spiritual energy of this group present is positively affecting all of mankind.”  TRUE.  You serve all of mankind by becoming as spiritually evolved as you can be.

61.  Go from complete to complete.

62.  Identify with Self rather than self.  Without the presence of God within you, you wouldn’t exist.  Self is my reality; self is only my temporary expression in this domain.  Snow bank experience.

63.  Accept limitations of humanness, which has the karma of protoplasm.

64.  Happiness is a decision and direction.

65.  Reflective vs. impulsive.

66.  Thoughtful rather than critical.

67.  Be content instead of complaining (weather, taxes…).

68.  Realize life is a learning curve.

69.  Pray.  Praying is beneficial.  “It benefits yourself, loved ones, the world, all of humanity.”  Each tested TRUE.  Praying is not just grade school exercise but expression of what you’ve become, which is gracious.

70.  Contemplate.

71.  Affirm God is my Source.

72.  Sing an inner song.  Learn to hum to yourself without making any noise!

73.  When feeling down, say to yourself, “Yours is the saddest story I’ve ever heard!”

74.  Insist on being miserable and gloomy.  “Oh well….”  Eeyore.

75.  Make faces at yourself in the mirror.   This is a wonderful spiritual technique.  Holy Church of Giggledom… The way to God is through giggles.

76.  Be grateful for the gift of life.  Be all you can be to everyone all of the time.  Reflect back to life its Beauty.

77.  Live one day at a time.

78.  Be your own best friend.

79.  Expansion vs. diminution of problems.

80.  Clarify __________ with______role.

81.  Play role of martyr?

82.  Play role of hero?

83.  Play role of victim?

84. Play role of morally superior?

85.  Let go of being the injustice collector (martyr).

86.  Let go of being provocative.

87.  Stop pushing one’s luck.

88.  Avoid catastrophe.

89.  Don’t buy a home in the flood plain or on the edge of a mud cliff.

90.  Do not win the lottery.

91.  Don’t ski in an avalanche area.

92.  Give up self-importance.

93.  Obey the law – be polite to police.

94. Stop demonstrating.

95.  Give up saving the world.

96.  Mind your own business.

97.  Give up being important.

98.  Improve yourself instead of others.

99.  Pay your income taxes.

100.  Smile and the world smiles with you.

101.  Dedicate all actions to God.

Resisting what is serves no purpose.  Recognizing a paradigm shift as it’s happening on the other hand, is kind of exciting in certain ways – even if the shift is a little wacky sometimes.

There is no way to understand the causality of change, maybe because there is none.  But embracing the change and going with it is kind of like Red Bull – it can give you wings, if you let it.

Had a deep drive home, listening to a set of fascinating lectures about enlightenment from David Hawkins.  I don’t think it’s an accident that I waited til now to tackle these things.  Or that when I needed a wrench to fix my broken windshield wiper in the rain – that one suddenly appeared in the workshop of the guy I asked for help, though he did not have any tools there that he knew of.

Non-linear dynamics, quantum mechanics and whatever it is that lay beyond the limit of human comprehension, yet resides inside of the human heart – you rock!

Now, to do the work to back up the untapped potential!

Why would we assume the limitations created by people who for the most part are unaware of either their centers,or their outer boundaries?  Who are they to draw the map of reality that I am supposed to adhere to?  yeah right.

There really is no right or wrong, right?  ha ha.

I refute the programming of the masses, the mesmerized, the morons.  it is not true, and I do not choose to live by it.  I celebrate the ceramic alloy supermagnet art of the science geeks and the pulse modulated tesla coil music of the carnival artists of high IQ, who know the secret of living by the ideology of DOism.  the art of life by action.

don’t get stuck in the story man, it’s way more fun out here…

Totally well explained!

The little voice of creativity that tells you things you didn’t know, that gives you the seeds of ideas that properly tended – turn into material reality – where does it come from?

The Akashic record?

Stored in the waters of the oceans?

Maybe inspiration comes from the feeling of love that wells up in you when you know you are looking at the same moon as your beloved, and sending messages to one another in a format far more subtle than facebook, lol!

Perhaps it comes from GOD?  GODDESS?  Telepathy, or the subconscious database of human experience to date, or even just experience – forget the human bit…

Where do you find your inspiration to be as you are, and to do what you do?

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